I know, I know . . .
The past two years have been unavoidably exhausting, physically and emotionally. So much so that I have neglected this blog. The blog is mostly for me to "think out loud" but I know one or two of you are still looking in on it.
Christmas passed as usual, with me spending too much money on the kids and grandkids. I realized, as I toted up the numbers, that although I love to give gifts, I'm frustrated that I didn't get any. I hope that doesn't sound too selfish, but really? Four kids, three grandkids and my own family, and nothing?
Next year, I'm going to cut back. I honestly don't mind making gifts like hat and scarves, but spending more money on anything except yarn, yeah, I'm done with that.
I love my kids and grandkids. I'm happy to buy things for them, but I don't have to feel guilty if I can't or won't spend excessively just because it's Christmas.
And now for something completely different
I've finally gotten approval for knee replacement surgery. It's happening in March and I know this sounds terrible, but I'm absolutely looking forward to having a couple of months recovery time not being at work.
By the time I'm back at work, I will only have about a year before I can retire for good, something I'm very much looking forward to. I'd retire yesterday if I thought I could get Social Security and Medicare. I hope the convicted felon in the White House doesn't fuck that up for me. There's no way I can work until I'm 67, my mental health won't allow it.
You see, my body is betraying me more quickly than I anticipated. Once the knee surgery is done, I'm going to ask the doctor to look at my hip. And the longer I work outside my home, the worse my mental and emotional health is affected. Let's not forget the issues I've had since my colon surgery in 2022, something that has been and always will be not even as fun as it sounds. Also, my eyes are giving out on me and I'm going deaf in my left ear.
So being the same age as old people sucks in a lot of ways. I'll get new glasses before I come back to work after the knee surgery, but that will only help a bit. The rest of it is the degradation of growing old and I just need to accept it.
I was asked by a doctor if I was going to do anything fun this year. My response was that I was going to have knee surgery and get to stay home for a couple of months. He was confused - he said that wasn't really fun. I told him I'd rather be home than out and about, and that once the knee heals I'll probably go to a Giants game with my daughters. He didn't get it.
Have I mentioned I want to retire?
God is Good all the time, and He's even watching over this tired little old lady. The troubles of today are fleeting and I need to remind myself that if something isn't eternally relevant, I don't have to dwell on it. Jobs end, knee pain ends, glasses can be bought - my soul lives forever, and I'm confident in God's love for me.
I'll be okay.
