I am God's Creation. He doesn't do things badly.

 "I am a creation of God and the manifestation of His plan."

I got this quote from a website I discovered a few days ago. I can't remember which one LOL! but it absolutely resonated with me. 

I have always struggled with the dichotomy of my faith versus my feelings. I have never fitted in, either at church or outside of it. I didn't even really fit in my family, although a part of that is because our neuro-divergence is genetic and no one of us fit very well with the others.

But my faith in God is also what kept us together as a family. It wasn't easy to grow up around my mother, but she at least kept us going to church on Sundays and she tried her best, I'm sure, to navigate her own faith according to her understanding of that that looked like.

"God created Autism to offset the excessive number of boring people on earth"

I got this meme from Pinterest. I love the idea that we are all part of the Body of Christ. Sometimes, I think I'm the big toe, but really my neuro-diversity means I'm the little bit of the brain that smells colors and sees music.

My little sister (in-law) is a very linear thinker. So is my ex-husband. Ask either of them how they do math, it's all about straight lines and remembered rules. Ask me how I do math, and I'll tell you what color the number 2 is, and what patterns I see in the equations in front of me. I look at a problem and see the solution, but don't ask me how I got there. 

I'm not calling my sister or ex boring. I'm saying there's more to my neuro-diversity to be celebrated than most people might perceive. 

"I thought I was bad at life. It turns out I was bad at living a neuro-typical life"

Another Pinterest meme. I absolutely identify with this statement. Unfortunately, everyone else is busy living their normal lives around me and get frustrated with me for not being like them. Sometimes that hurts worse.

I've had people ask me if I've heard of Temple Grandin. I see posts everywhere about famous people who were/are neuro-divergent. I look at other's success despite or because of their neuro-divergence and I am discouraged by the fact that I'm not as successful in my life.

That's nonsense, I know that. I raised four successful children, I am gainfully employed, I am creative, passionate and gifted. But I still feel a lack because my giftedness has a short attention span and I'm unable to use my gifts to, for instance, stay financially stable or some days even clean my house.

My therapist gave me a book to read called "How to Keep House While Drowning". I don't get any affiliate money from this (because I can't figure out how to do that) but it's an incredibly insightful look at the issues involved in being neuro-divergent as an adult.

I'm not done reading it - busy with work, busy with, yes, cleaning house. I also need new reading glasses, and my prescription is an expensive one. But I'm looking forward to learning more about what she has to say, and learning more about myself.

I'm not sure what else I had in mind when I started this post. Some days are like that.

Ecclesiastes 3:11, “Yet God has made everything beautiful for its own time. He has planted eternity in the human heart, but even so, people cannot see the whole scope of God’s work from beginning to end” (NLT).